considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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