i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
