You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
