He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
