Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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