you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
