You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
