I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
