Only a mothe r could love this liver
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
