He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
