who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
