the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
