Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
