I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
