You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
