No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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