do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
