I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
