I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My bed smells like the plague
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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