angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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