You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
