it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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