she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize