she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
