I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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