I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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