Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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