If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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