i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
