Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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