Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
