I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
