dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
