Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
