I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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