I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
