It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
