yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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