just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
