seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
