before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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