Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
