i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
