You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
