He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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