it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
