Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So apparently I’m into choking now
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