its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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