Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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