the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
