you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
