I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
