Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
