four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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