I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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