There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my poor anus
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
