I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
