My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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