Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
