OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
