wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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