So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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