Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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