if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
