I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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