theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
