how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
